What is that Flea Bag doing in my photo!!!!

See what I have to put up with!!! The Hairy Attention Seeker (aka HAS) is always trying to gate crash my photo shoots. It is not as if he does not get enough exposure on his own blog.

Fetch! Fetch! Silly creature. Always running into water to fetch sticks that Mum has thrown away. If she wants them so bad, let her go and get wet retrieving them herself. By him fetching them, he is only encouraging her. Mindless drone!

Anyway, back to ME!

When I last left you, I was describing my turmultuous life. After a small break where I was the centre of attention (which is only right), first Mum shows up, and thereby ruins all the time that had been spent in training the bloke to answer to my every whim. Followed soon after by Tweedledum and Tweedledee (the long haired, bone munching, walking shag piles).

The disruption to my life was almost at fever pitch when it got worse. We moved again. I am suddenly put into my cage and dragged over the other side of the harbour to the new property. Where I was forced to reassert my territorial boundaries, discover new escape routes, I mean, paths for strategic retirements and to generally announce my presence to the peons of my estate.

After several days of paint fumes and other decorating activity (nothing which I allowed MYSELF to get involved with, of course, thats work for the household staff) I was able to settle into my new abode.

You can imagine my horror, dear readers, when it suddenly became apparent that the staff had not installed my personal door, for when I wish to egress from my abode. The indignity of it all, having to ASK to be allowed out! Like I was some sort of DOG!

And then there was the food issue. I felt that they were getting too comfortable in the idea that I was happy with the board of fare that they were offering. Naturally, this is a big mistake and one which needed to be remedied. So I threw them a few curve balls which had them scampering around trying to find which food I now liked. Keep them off balance, I say.

Well, this was not what I am use to, and of course, I complained to the management. Continuously. Take it from one who knows how to handle affairs with the domestic staff, you must always voice your disapproval, and when that does not do the trick, more direct action is required!

I find, my dear fans, that getting into peoples faces is the most effective, it shows that you care. It is a fine line that one must tread when employing this technique. too little and it is ineffective, too much and the peasants may revolt and your tenure as Lord and Master may come to an abrupt end.

I always try to take over the bed from Mum and the Bloke, as first of all, it is my bed which I gracefully allow them to share with me as long they provide heating.

I also find that helping out with some of the tasks around the house can also improve the good nature between oneself and ones employees.

No! Of course I am not actually suggesting for a minute that I would ever lower myself to do manual work! I instead help out with the higher, intellectual duties. For example, Mum does struggle with the intricacies of proper grammar usage etc.

In way, it also helps to just let them know that I am far better than them in all areas.

Take for example tree climbing. The domestic staff had spent last weekend making my estate presentable and easier for me to move around my domain, by cutting the grass etc.

I had allowed them a small breather (well, I am not a total slave driver) and they had gathered on one of the terraces in the garden. Of course, the dogs HAD to be there as well (probably they needed Mum and the bloke to remind them to keep on breathing, mush heads).

Anyway, I decided to just check out the extent of my property, so I climbed a tree. It was done with my usual skill and attention to the fine detail of the sport. For some reason, the staff started to laugh at me. I know! Laugh! at me!!!

Do they not know that before you climb back down a tree, you must stretch first, announce your intention in climbing down, then to gracefully drop yourself off the branch until you are dangling by the front paws. By doing what can be perceived by the uninitiated as a mad scramble, one is able to generate enough stretch in the limbs as to prevent serious muscle injury.

I performed all these NORMAL activities and they just laughed at me! Laughed! I know, very unsettling.

Well fans, I am feeling the need for another nap now. I will catch up with you all later.

xxxxxxx