What the ..................??!!!!!!!!

Okay, I am able to take a joke, I mean to say, I appreciate a good laugh like any other noble creature. Tell me a story involving the Pope, an Englishman and a German, and I will be producing belly laughs in appreciation.

But this is getting a bit beyond the Pale!!!

Alright, I will calm down and tell you the latest "laugh" that Mum and the Bloke are having with me. I mean to say, it must be a joke, right?! Please say it is and my humour is too finely developed to identify it!!!

Here goes.

I am at home, awaiting the arrival of the domestic staff to tend to me, when I hear the arrival of the black monstrosity that Mum seems to love driving (why they did not get anything in Tabby colour, I do not know, simpletons). So I immediately switched Sky off, hid the remains of the Tequila party which was my turn to host for the other neighbourhood felines (dogs need not apply) and deleted the history on the web browser (well, they don't need to see the sites I go to!).

The door opens...... I affect my normal attitude, the one which says "pistch, so your back then" without actually conveying an iota of caring one way or the other really.

First sudden wave of shock washed over me. They have my carry basket in their hands. This can go three ways. First way, Bad, they are sending me back to the UK like they have been threatening, all over my apparent mood of not giving a monkey's towards them (well, I am a cat for goodness sake). Second way, Bad, another trip to the vet! That quack with the cold thermometer had better have his health insurance paid up or else it was going to be a painful Christmas for him, recovering in hospital. I mean to say, has he not heard of tympanic thermometers, what sort of perversion is this?! Or third way, good, that they are finally giving into my constant, yet reasonable demands of spending sometime away on my own in Club Tab (frolicking grounds for Tabbys).

But no, they managed to come up with a fourth option!!!!!

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Demon Kitten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They cannot be serious!! The training of Mum and the Bloke is in a crucial phase, Nirvana is just around the corner. Who knows what a loose variable like a kitten will have on their pea sized brains.

Then to top it all off, he strikes an attitude with ME!! Does not recognise the fact that this is MY house, they are MY domestic staff and that the fur for brain dogs are MY bodyguards (actually on reflection, he can keep the dogs).

Things were starting to get out of control..........

He took over my Bed!! I am now relegated to certain parts of the house. He is eating my food on the sly and the most heinous crime of all, I believe the little bugger is using my Litter tray!!! I know, whats all that about!!!!!!

He also took over sleeping in my carry basket as well, but thats okay as if he
is there, then it is not too much in the way of hassle to close the door and then, Byeee! Back to the shop whence he came (or fiery pit in Hell, whichever)

You would expect that I would get some support from the domestic staff. But no, they are too busy being held captive under his spell. Ungrateful sods. The young are so free and easy with the power of the cat. Its only with age that the power is refined and used to its full potential, subtly, with finesse. They use the power without thinking.

Then he started up his own blog. The Impertinence! Only the writings of the superior feline should be out in the aether. What happens if we start sending mixed messages? it will put the Struggle back years!

Another worrying note is how many attempts DK (Demon Kitten) has tried to stop me writing my blog. Oh sure, he tries to pass it off as being playful, running across the keyboard, 'accidentally' shutting the computer down, trying to chew through the power lead (go on, chew harder, lets see what a few amps does to the fur!!!)

But I'm not getting bitter, oh no. A small spin off has been that Mum and the Bloke have been going out of their way to be nice to me.

I have repaid some of their attention with a dramatic display of my climbing abilities. Of course there were two goals to the display (always have a plan, my Darlings) one, it was to show that I am not so far over the hill that they needed to get a younger model in the first place, and the second was to goad DK into climbing the curtains. Lets see how he gets out of the whirlwind which will be Mum when her precious curtains are shredded!! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, little one!

Don't worry, my legions of devoted fans, old age and treachery will overcome youthful resourcefulness everytime.

Nap time, Ciao

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